Last week, I was telling you all about how living in a buble of Christ sucks. Well, let me tell you something I’ve learned in the past week.
I was very upset. I felt very alone and annoyed with every single decision i made. I kept praying to God. I kept asking Him to make Himself clearer, because it felt as though he wasn’t there. Like he took a trip to some foreign country and never came back. And i kept begging and begging for him to come back. I felt so empty inside.
Then, I met a bunch of people I’ve never met before. Their arms were wide open, as well as their hearts. They weren’t fake, and I got along with all of them. We did lots of work on our church (sometimes it wasn’t fun), and I watched as everyone worked together as one. I’d never seen people love so much.
For a moment every day, I’d step back and watch the work being done. I realized something I’d never realized before: They weren’t doing this work for themselves, but for Jesus. No one was selfish in their work, and all the glory went to God.
I’m not usually the type to sit and listen to a Christian radio station all day. I dunno. The music just bores me. But during this past week, that’s pretty much all i heard. And i sang along, too. I could feel the Lord entering my heart. It was weird, so I tried to stop it from happening. Pfft. That didn’t work.
So I just surrendered and let it happen. Then I noticed that I wasn’t so pissed off and sullen anymore. And no matter what I did, I couldn’t get angry. All I could do was pray that this happiness could last forever. That I could hold onto it and share it with others.
So, I’ve made a decision. I prayed that God will guide me wherever I go. I’m sure he will, because I’ve seen him work in the hearts of others, and felt him work in my own heart. So now the only question I have is: “What about the dinosaurs?”
Peace, love, and doughnuts!
I feel like I’m in a bubble. It’s a bubble with fresh air and it’s safe here in the bubble. I have everything I need here. It’s safe. But in this bubble, I see the outside world. It’s so beautiful with its trees and wonderful sunsets. I can see the people I used to know, but I can’t reach them, can’t touch them. Yes, it’s hard to live in this bubble of Christ. In the Bible, it says that the Lord’s burden is light.
So why does it feel so heavy on my shoulders?
I mean… I’m sure there’s a verse in the Bible somewhere about how it can be hard to break away from one life and jump into the next, right?
I was reading the Proverbs in the bible yesterday. Usually, they give me comfort. For some reason, on that day, I had no comfort whatsoever. For some odd reason, I was angry at God and asking him questions like “Why am I in this bubble?” or “Why can’t you make this a little easier?”
Honestly, this bubble of Christ sucks. But i was talking to my Pastor the other day. He asked me how i felt. And I told him this: “I’d rather be miserable knowing i’m doing something right than to be just plain miserable.”
I like that quote. Surprisingly, I came up with it myself. It’s the truth, at least to me. (As you can see, this post won’t be written in sequential order.)
I’m on a journey. I have no idea where it’s leading me. I feel safe knowing it’ll lead me to a place of peace and a place of happiness, but right now I feel like complete and utter shit. So I’ll be praying until the next time I write this post.
Peace, love, and doughnuts.
missburusama 